secondly, if i hear another "dutchlady" or "cute" from somebody, i swear i'll scream. (u'd probably understand me if u attended campfire nite)

june is a blardy busy mth. holidays(which equals to tons of outings), tons of bdays, senior pg pictures, campfire nite, etc. i cudnt find the cable for my cam so i'd do an update of recent events some other time. X3 just gona layan the "update ur blog larr..." comments & get some issues out of my system.

speaking of the month of june, i can't believe half the yr is gone. i still rmb starting 2009 & my cousin texting me to check on how i was doing. i replied "hmm...doesn't seem lyk such a bad yr after all." i practically jinx the yr ryt after tat. right at the end of the 1st month, i knew i was in for a pretty depressing yr.

it's kinda funny how u finally learn to appreciate wat u once had only after shyt happens & u wish u cud turn back time. sometimes, i really hope that if i wished hard enough, i wud wake up the next morning & find out i was 13 agn. yeap. that's wen & wer i wud wana have another do-over in my life. i wud change soo many things. my regrets just cant quite be counted with both hands. maybe i cud have prevented some mistakes from happening. maybe, i cud have changed d ppl arnd me. & just maybe, if i had met him earlier, i cud've been der for him wen he needed some1 & we wudnt reli be 2 ppl from 2 diff wurls...

so many ifs & maybes, that will nvr happen. coz this is life, & shyt happens. ders no "backspace" or "restart".

i don't forget easily. i always think too much. i'm just wired that way. i reminisce about past memories, fond & painful ones alike. there's so many "what ifs" in my head, it becomes my escape from reality.

the "if onlys", "maybes" & "what ifs" are the tots that make life bearable & give us comfort. sounds very much naive, i noe. but a lil naive-ness is a necessity. how can u not be at least a lil bit depressed wen u live in the wurl we live in now?

i watched some episode of oprah a few weeks ago (yea, i noe, oprah). she was interviewing this woman who couldn't forget. as in, this lady's earliest memory was wen she was 1 & lying in her crib watching crazy adults making stewpid faces at her. just name her a random date from any given yr after tat, she cud tell u every lil detail of her daily activity on tat particular day (eg. what she ate for breakfast, wer she left her car keys, the weather forecast on tv). gift or curse? curse. i pity her. imagine being able to remember every hurt inflicted upon u; every heartache u've ever gone through. i'd probably go mad.

so tonight, i'll just wish real hard again. i wish i cud turn back time.

*
p.s. my frens, pretty sure u'll get a kick outta this pic i took after cfn

p.p.s. reread the second paragraph